I swear I was only off for a week! Still, I wasn’t up for my usual Friday lesson. Today felt like I needed a skating emergency hotline rather than a lesson. Now that’s an idea!

“Hello, you’ve reached SK8-4-Ever. How can we help you?”

“Help me, please! I can’t feel my edges.”

“Don’t panic, ma’am. Now, are you bending your ankles?”

“Wha-what did you say? Aaahhhh!!! I almost fell.” (Crunching sounds. Whimpering.)

“Deep breaths, ma’am. Down into your diaphragm. That’s it. Now, can you see the boards from where you are?”

“Only the ice. It’s. . .it’s so cold. . . I can’t seem to keep my head up. Oh, help me, please.”

“Breathe. Remember that the ice is there for you. Now, can you put the top of your femur over your foot?”

“The top of my what?”

“Your femur. Over the middle of your skating foot.”

“I. . . I think so. Yes, I think it’s there.”

“And is your ankle flexed when you push?”

“Yes.”

“Flex it more.”

“Okay. . . I’ll try.” (More crunching.) “I think I can. I think I can.”

“More. You can do it.” (Crunching suddenly stops. A collective sigh of relief.)

“I think I’ll be okay now. I think. . . I think it’s better. Thank you.”

“Our pleasure, ma’am. We’ll send a team out to check on your three turns next week.”